The Subtle Gold Digger

The most highly-effective gold digger knows her man enough to get what she wants WITHOUT ASKING!


Gold digger: a person who seeks or digs for gold in a gold field. 2. Informal. a woman who associates with or marries a man chiefly for material gain. Origin of gold digger.

What’s wrong in being a gold digger?

She seems innocent and harmless, right? ?

Exchanging a perceived “love” for money.

The typical scenario of the old wealthy man and younger, often beautiful, woman is what most people think of when the word “gold digger” is used. It’s a contrast that immediately stands out and makes people very judgmental and/or jealous.

However, it’s not much different than two people marrying for other reasons: security, love, sex, power, etc.

These things are much harder to see because they are not physical attributes on display.

I will give examples of two type of people here:

1 . Gold Diggers

2 . Person Who Want A Partner With good position but not a Gold Diggers

And How being no. 1 is bad but not no. 2

Let’s imagine you are person with good income, nice car, and a home, But due to some circumstances you lost these things so how would your partner react in both cases?

In case 1 GOLD DIGGER : Your partner will start ignoring you , you will not feel same love now as that when you felt when you were wealthy and that person will start looking for other rich date and finally dump you

Where As in case 2 : Your partner will start caring for you more , they will be with you , they will comfort you , they will understand and won’t ask for dates in restaurants and will help you rise again .

What are the habits of highly-effective gold diggers?

Subtlety “Can you help me pay for the electricity? I’m running short this month.”

Patience “My car broke down, can you help me with rent too? I promise to pay you back when I can.”

Sacrifice “Since I lost my job when my car broke down, can you take care of rent and electricity for a little while? As soon as I get a job, I’ll take care of it, but in the mean time, remember that <sexual act> you wanted?”

Guilt “I’m still not on my feet, but I feel like I’ve been washing your clothes and having sex with you so you might be taking advantage of my hard times. But it’s kind of working for us, except I want to have less sex.”

Conversion “I’m pregnant. How can you ask me to work now while I’m carrying your baby? You did this to me.”

Escalation “I need $1000 a month for my credit card bills because I buy things when I’m not happy. And you’re not making me happy.”

Divorce “I need you to pay my rent, bills and child support while I do my best to prevent you from having equal custody so that I can reinforce the idea that you’re not a good father.

Also, I’ll use that man to pay for the birth of the next child I’ll have fathered out of wedlock to keep the pressure off my next victim…er husband – and make it appear that I’m the together lady you thought I was.”

How do you gauge gold diggers from non-gold diggers?

Gold diggers are masters of manipulation and deception. Do not make the mistake and think of them as lazy. They are hard and dedicated workers with their goals always on their mind. They can go great lenghts to get what they want. If you are a good catch they may invest years.?

They are looking for a provider who ideally is easy to influence. These can be young and naive people, or older people who miss something that the gold digger provides. May it be the illusion of being caring, sex, having astonishing “trophy” looks, or some kind of mental support.

Gold digging only works, because a gold digger studies her subject excessively. They have a predatory mindset and are constantly looking for weaknesses that they can supply. Also they may try to isolate you in some way, or tell you secrets you have to keep. This is how she finds out if you are trustworthy, and if you will keep your mouth shut when weird stuff starts to happen.

If you are lonely, they give you company. If you are boring, they give you the impression you are exciting. If you have nobody to talk to you, they are your shoulder to lean on and cry. They will also trade sex for gifts, or suggest ridiculous things like they will make your dreams come true if you do the laundry.

It is very possible, that the whole persona you are dealing with is made up. Again, she has studied you. If she thinks you want the sweet girl, she will be the sweet girl. If she thinks you need a smart girl, she will be the smart girl. If you want a dumb ass, she will be the dumbest.

Also it is very likely that she made things up, just so that you are similar. Her parents do the same things as your parents. Her sister is like your sister. Her hobbies are like your hobbies. Her interests are like your interests.

Because of the nature of the beast, she may be dating multiple guys. Business trips, or friends or family she meets with that you never meet, may be indicators of that. While doing this, she may be very controlling. Asking about your day, gathering information to use it against you.

So how do you figure out if somebody is a gold digger?

  • if you are in love, your mind is clouded. You are easy to manipulate. If she does or says odd things write them down. Ask friends, family or “neutral” people for advice for the given situations. This is absolutely key. If you are secretive about a toxic relationship, you are lost.
  • Is she manipulative in general? Does she trade favors with you? Does she suggest she will “repay” you if you buy something for her?
  • Does she offer some things or actions only if you buy her something?
  • How often does she pay, or does she pay at all? This can be a tricky one. She may even appear generous, but keep in mind that it is possible that somebody bought her those concert tickets. And now she is going with you to the concert. Does she leave her wallet at home often? Does she buy groceries from time to time?
  • Is she telling stories about how her father provided for the family? How her sisters husband bought all the furniture? How her friends boyfriend is financing everything? Is she telling you that the man always has to provide?
  • Is she wearing expensive clothes and jewelry, that she unlikely can afford herself? Probably even telling stories how luxury bags have good resale value (men buy her stuff she can sell for income)?
  • Is she living in an expensive place, or driving an expensive car, or constantly travelling to fancy places, despite not having a significant income or a rich family? If so, somebody is

probably paying for her services.

Is it important for her to point out which brands or luxury stuff she, her family, or her friends own? Does she appear to have different personas? Is she sweet like honey to you, but can change instantly to a fury when talking to service personal? Do you sometimes think her “mask” just slipped. Is she keeping up with the “mask” she is portraying? Is she telling she is from rich background, but has weird manners that do not fit?

    • Do you sometimes feel that something is off?
    • Is she both (appearing to be) caring but also ruthless and ice cold? Is she ready to leave you if you have no money? Does she suggest you should meet less if you can’t afford to pay up for whatever?
    • Does she suggest to move out instead of helping in any way?
    • Is she moving to “her mother” if you are short on cash (her mother = other guy)?
    • Is she charming everybody, do all your friends love her? Does she have different characters in public and in private that don’t fit together?
    • Is she kind of aggressive when pursuing goals?
    • Does she flirt with more wealthy or more attractive men in your presence but plays it down later? Is she testing how far she can go with flirting?
    • Is she generally pushing boundaries often? This may be very subtle, depending on the skillset of the golddigger. Like the slowly cooked frog that doesn’t jump out of the pot.
    • Is she too perfect? Like you can’t believe it to be true perfect? Like, suspicious perfect? If it is too good to be true, be wary. It probably is.
    • Does she have narcissistic tendencies? Does she value people that are higher up on the social ladder more? Does she devalue less successful people openly?
    • Is she talking a lot about plastic surgery, has she had some, or is she even talking about her ex-boyfriend how he paid for surgeries?
    • Does she have antisocial, especially parasitic tendencies?
    • Do you have the impression that she is always in a good mood, but still the relationship kind of feels like she is working a job? Is she putting unreal effort into the relationship to keep you hooked? Do you ask yourself, is this possible that somebody is putting this crazy effort into your relationship?
    • Does she compliment you on everything? Is everything you want to do a great idea? You’re the best without exception? That ripped jeans that all women hate, she likes when you wear them?
    • Does she view her money as strictly her money, but your money and your assets also as hers? Is your house or business already your and hers when she talks about? Even if you have been dating only for a couple of months?
    • Does she say “we” often, meaning “you”? Like, we should do task xy, but always you end up doing it alone for her? Then she tells you how great and caring and manly you are?
    • Does she want to move in very fast? Usually before talking about who does the laundry or talking about costs? After she moves in, is she hard to get out when you are breaking up? Does she refuse to move to her parents or friends, even if she lives in your house, or despite having her own appartement?
    • Has she some kind of nomadic lifestyle? Nobody knows her for a long time? She switches cities or countries often for some reason?
    • Has she some fairytale story about her life, assets in some foreign country that probably do not exist, is she a duchess in whatever land but without proof? If in doubt ask, check and double check.
    • is she lying a lot about small things? Is she lying a lot about big things? Is she secretive? Is she asking you a lot of questions but at the same time not answering yours (gathering information to use it against you)?
    • Does she stop putting in effort after she moves in or after you start “seriously” dating? Does she threaten to move out if you ask her to do something associated with house work?
    • Does she literally expect you to put her on a pedestal and does she expect that you tell her often how you love her (this can be a test to see how easy you are to manipulate at the moment)? At the same time she tells you less often how she loves you?
    • Is she controlling, like somebody who is watching his business?

Gold diggers come in different shapes and from different backgrounds. Despite of all of these tips, it is very hard to spot a skilled gold digger. Yes, amateurs are easy to spot because they are obvious. The pros are con artists. You literally don’t see it coming.

Age Of The Sage (Faith vs Reason) 

Why Do We Believe Anything, Anyway?
Bell Kariuki on Perception, & illusions of the world.


Wikipedia defines the general concept of belief this way:
Belief is the state of mind in which a person thinks something to be the case, with or without there being empirical evidence to prove that something is the case with factual certainty.

By Bell Kariuki (InstagramTwitter

Everything we know about reality enters our brains via one or more of our five senses.

An individual person, living in a specific physical location on the earth, will never in the course of a lifetime encounter 99% or more of all the information and/or experience that is available on just this one tiny planet. We won’t read all the books. We won’t visit all the places. We won’t meet all the people. Most of the animal species on earth we won’t even see a picture of in our lifetimes, let alone witness in person (there are some 950,000 species of insects, alone). The “world” each of us labels “reality” is in fact a construct in our brain, built from the miniscule slivers of data we take in through our senses, living in at most a few places, attending a few, or even just one school system, knowing at most a handful of people, and having even that tiny stream of experience narrowed down to the few scraps our brains don’t withhold from consciousness for our own good.
That may sound bleak, but if it were otherwise, we would almost certainly succumb to overwhelm and be unable to function.

So, why then does the unique “world” in each of our brains feel like the “whole world” to us? We can accept rationally, based on what we know about brain function as described in the previous paragraph, that our understanding of reality can’t possibly be an accurate/complete representation of the world we live in.
Yet it feels completely real. Why?


Why do we believe anything beyond the concrete, present-moment data being continually gathered by our senses? And not just God or religious/spiritual type beliefs, but anything at all? Why do I believe my wife loves me? Why do I believe my children will succeed in life? Why do I believe that I am a good person, and so are my friends? Why do I believe there are even such categories as good or evil in the world?

The explanation is that navigating the limited piece of physical reality we encounter in life, and remaining mentally and emotionally secure enough to survive, find mates, and propagate the species, requires an unquestioning, and when you think about it, strikingly unreasonable confidence in ourselves and in the world. Since full awareness of reality as-it-is was not an option for our ancient ancestors (as the overwhelm caused by so much data would have diminished, rather than enhanced, their chances of survival), evolution equipped them –and, as their descendants, us too  — with brains capable of generating a convincing illusion of the reality of our own small words.

Think about an optical illusion. What we see in the picture is not simply what’s there. Our brains connect dots and fill in gaps until the bits and pieces in the image coalesce into something we recognize. We are seeing what’s there, but our brains are adding “unreal” elements that allow us to make sense of what we’re seeing, or that allow us to understand incoming data in relation to purely mental pieces of our experience, like memory.

Our brains are not malfunctioning when they do this. They are operating as designed. Beliefs are the projected “lines” (storylines might be an even better analogy) our brains have evolved to draw between “dots” of otherwise unrelated hard data, in order to tease out a solid and relatable, if to a disturbing degree illusory, world for us to succeed in.

Our brains are simply Belief Generating Machines.
Without beliefs, we would have no context in which to understand ourselves and our lives. We would be lost and ineffective. Our brains generate beliefs because beliefs are necessary for biological survival.


From this perspective, the brains of not only Christians, Muslims and Hindus, but also Stoics, Existentialists, Transcendentalists (all philosophies), and even atheists who accept the reality-explaining power of science, are doing exactly the same thing. They are connecting the scant number of “dots” in their individual sensory experience with projected “belief lines” to create a picture of the world they can move about in confidently.
It’s important to stress here that the fact that our brains generate new, or accept established, beliefs to make sense of reality does not automatically mean that the content of those beliefs is false . I think that’s an easy conclusion to jump to, and I want to avoid easy conclusions.


Let’s do a little experiment together. Pick up some droppable object near you. Keys, a pillow, a small child, whatever. (For the literalists, I should add that I am just kidding about the child, and that you really shouldn’t ever drop children.)
Ok, now look at it and really try to believe that when you drop it, that it is going to float into the sky. I am going to do this with you. I just picked up a stuffed rabbit that happened to be on the couch. Now using your free will, REALLY try to BELIEVE that when you drop your object, gravity is not going to exist anymore. If you are anything like me, you will find that this is not possible. While I was staring at the rabbit, I actually was able to create this superficial feeling of suspense and tried to really expect it to not drop. But if you stopped me and asked me in the middle of that if I would bet my life on the results, I am going to go ahead and admit that I would have bet on gravity.
I dropped it. And guess what?! It didn’t drop! It floated in mid-air! Isn’t that amazing?

Do you believe me?


Why not?

Because by the time you can use your conscious mind to “believe” something, your unconscious mind has already sorted through the data and there is no way you can force yourself to un-know what you know. You might be able to convince yourself that it is possible for gravity to stop for a moment. It’s like when I was in high school and I kept almost breaking my glasses to prove that I really believed God would heal my eyes.

But when the rubber meets the road, you really can’t choose to believe or not believe in something like gravity. Every moment of your existence has been influenced and limited by it. You’ve never escaped it, and unless you leave this planet on some space adventure some day, you never will.

I grew up in an environment that placed a high priority on belief. Belief was everything. Belief was made “us” vs “them”. Belief was what determined not just your life, but your afterlife. But what is belief really?

Do I believe in gravity or do I know that it exists? After all, isn’t it theoretically possible that gravity as we currently understand it doesn’t exist? I mean, our views of what holds us to the ground has changed pretty radically through history. Who is to know that we won’t discover that our current understanding of gravity is wrong? Even the most straight forward assumptions are still assumptions. There’s always another possibility. For example, isn’t it theoretically possible (even if unlikely) that we are part of a computer simulation that holds us to the ground simply because that’s what the programmer wanted the program to do?

So on that level, pretty much EVERYTHING is a belief because EVERYTHING we know is built on assumptions. We “know” that gravity is real, but that assumes that your perception of existence is real and not a dream or some sort of momentary simulation in the mind of God. Everything you believe or know is built on a lot of assumptions that have already been processed by your unconscious mind and that is the foundation upon which we can start forming words and ideas about what we “believe.”

So what happens when your unconscious mind removes some of the assumptions?
What happens when some of what you built the words and concepts on does not exist anymore?

For instance, let’s talk about God.

When I was a kid, I would pray up to the sky all the time. During worship services, I would look up because I was somehow taught that God was this Supreme Being “up” in Heaven, and someday he would come “down” here to rescue us. But then in school, of course, we learned about space and the earth and how it rotates and how there is really no such thing as “up” or “down.” These are ideas relative to earth and our position within its gravitational pull. And in fact, what is up to me right now is down for a lot of other people on earth, and in a few hours, up has drastically changed for all of us. So if up and down aren’t real, then what do we mean by God being “up” in Heaven? And why do so many worship leaders stare at the lights of the sanctuary and reach their hands into the sky as though trying to reach somebody “up” there? Up where? Towards which planet? Which galaxy? Because if it’s in some direction that we are supposed to think about God, that direction would be constantly changing. Sometimes the congregation should be gazing down and to the right or reaching their hands straight out behind them…

So what do you do when you lose the up and down assumption in your unconscious? Well, you either stop looking up, or you look up in a more metaphorical way. But once you lose that assumption, it’s impossible to once again BELIEVE that God is UP there. You can’t do it. You have seen that up is not real, and you will never be able to un-see that.

So here’s my point in all of this: we should be very slow to judge people for their beliefs.
I’m talking to myself as well here. There are some beliefs that drive me crazy. I find them backwards and limiting and destructive. But while I think it’s okay to make value judgments on beliefs, I think so many of us are so quick to label, categorize and dismiss human beings because of their beliefs.

But here’s the reality. We don’t really get to chose our beliefs. They are handed to us from our environment. Who of us came up with any our beliefs on our own? You can’t even have concepts or beliefs in your head without words. And where did you get those words? Did you make them up? Did you invent the word ‘God? Did you invent the words ‘science’, ‘humanism’, ‘good’, ‘evil’, ‘love’…? No, these words do not exist as something separate from your experience and environment. These words come to you with concepts and experiences that have been handed to you from your particular environment. And you either accept them, change them, or deny them, but even those decisions are largely out of your control. You will see what you will see, and those things cannot be un-seen. You will think with words that your environment hands you and you have no ability to unlearn those words or concepts. They are burned into your brain, and they always will be.

This sounds awfully fatalistic, but I don’t think it has to be. Because I believe that you can choose with your conscious mind what you want to do with the (un)beliefs that you have.

Back to the “up” thing. Even if you know God isn’t up there somewhere, perhaps you are a person that finds great solace in looking up while you pray or lifting your hands when you sing. Perhaps it makes you feel like a child looking up to a parent. Or perhaps it makes you feel lighter and more human, more connected and a part of everything. So maybe you decide to keep looking up sometimes. Maybe lifting your hands makes you feel like you are surrendering something of yourself to something or someone “higher” than yourself. Even though you realize the absurdity of thinking of God as some being that lives somewhere in the direction of Galaxy 54-tx42… You have a choice on what to do with that belief (or lack thereof) now. You can stop looking up. Or you can look up. That’s your decision. Unlike believing that the rabbit is not going to hit the floor when you drop it, that’s something you can actually choose.

Over the last year, I have had so many questions asked of me about what I believe. Just tonight I had a conversation with someone extremely close to me that said that he wouldn’t consider me a Christian anymore.

Not because of my life.. Not because my life looks like Jesus or doesn’t look like Jesus. But because of my lack of ability to nail down all the words and concepts of what I exactly BELIEVE. Because I’ve lost so many of the unconscious assumptions that I used to have and have no ability to un-see what I have seen.

I have no more ability to believe, for example, that the first people on earth were a couple named Adam and Eve that lived 6,000 years ago. I have no ability to believe that there was a flood that covered all the highest mountains of the world only 4,000 years ago and that all of the animal species that exist today are here because they were carried on an ark and then somehow walked or flew all around the world from a mountain in the middle east after the water dried up. I have no more ability to believe these things than I do to believe in Santa Clause or to not believe in gravity. But I have a choice on what to do with these unbeliefs. I could either throw out those stories as lies, or I could try to find some value in them as stories. But this is what happens…

If you try to find some value in them as stories, there will be some people that say that you aren’t a Christian anymore because you don’t believe the Bible is true or “authoritative”. Even if you try to argue that you think there is a truth to the stories, just not in an historical sense; that doesn’t matter. To some people, you denying the “truth” of a 6,000 year old earth with naked people in a garden eating an apple being responsible for the death of dinosaurs is the same thing as you nailing Jesus to the cross. You become part of ‘them’. The deniers of God’s Word.

The easy thing for me on the other side of my experience would be to see those who do believe in literal Genesis stories like that as somehow unenlightened or foolish. It would be easy and just as destructive for me to write off all THOSE people who believe those things as something less than beautiful, complicated and intelligent human beings. I must remember that the people that believe in a literal Genesis have no more ability to not believe it than I do to believe it. They have been handed a set of words, ideas and assumptions that they have built their consciousness on, and until something shifts for them, they see the world as they see it, and they can’t un-see it.

I think this understanding can help us see that all of us have assumptions and biases and beliefs and that we ought to be very slow in writing others off because of their words and concepts. That would almost be like writing them off because of the color of their skin or because they speak with a different accent or language than you.

So be careful of labels. Be careful who you judge as “in” or “out” of your camp. It’s a destructive way of seeing the world.

I think a healthier way of thinking about belief is to think about the kind of lives we choose to live with the words and beliefs that have been handed to us. Perhaps a more important question than whether God is a guy in the sky or the Ground of Being or the future, infinite Trinitarian relationality is what you will do with your assumptions of what God is or is not. Will you love God? Will you love your neighbor? Maybe these questions are far more important than what you BELIEVE about God or your neighbor. Maybe whether or not you do what Jesus said is more important than the language that use to describe Jesus.

I’m not saying that language is unimportant. It is important. Just not important enough to divide over. People are more important than ideas. Love is more important than the concept of love. We should never hurt or lessen the humanity of actual human beings because of the language, beliefs, and concepts that their environment and experiences have given them.

So, for me, I’ve decided to think about my ‘beliefs’ in terms of how I live rather than what my unconscious assumptions are. Because there are lots of people that have all sorts of beautiful ‘beliefs’ that live really awful lives. If I’m on the side of a road bleeding, I don’t care if the priest or the Levite have beautiful ‘beliefs’ about the poor and the hurting.. Give me the samaritan. The heretic. The outsider who may have the ‘wrong’ ‘beliefs’ in words and concepts but actually lives out the right beliefs by stopping and helping me. That’s the kind of belief I’m interested in at this point.

What do I believe? Look at my life. That’s what I believe. And that’s the kind of belief I’m interested in for my friends as well. I don’t care so much about what their words and unconscious assumptions are (even though that can make for some enjoyable pub conversation). I care about what kind of lives they live. Do they believe IN the underdog, or do they BELIEVE in the underdog? Do they believe in loving their neighbor or do they believe by loving their neighbor?

So you believe in God? So what. You believe Jesus was the Son of God that will someday come again to reconcile all things? Big deal. So do most serial killers.

Allow me to close this post with some words from the book of James, Chapter 2:
“What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.”

But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.”
Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds. You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder.

You foolish person, do you want evidence that faith without deeds is useless?

Was not our father Abraham considered righteous for what he did when he offered his son Isaac on the altar? You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did. And the scripture was fulfilled that says, “Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness,” and he was called God’s friend. You see that a person is considered righteous by what they do and not by faith alone.

In the same way, was not even Rahab the prostitute considered righteous for what she did when she gave lodging to the spies and sent them off in a different direction? As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.